She Didn't See It Coming
Thank You Daniel Quinn
You Gave The Gift of Author Courage
You taught me it's okay - to junk it all then start again - Thank You
I became a technical swim advisor in my 50s by accepting advice from strangers
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Picture from my 1994 summer dream team - making the most of our silly youth
That picture was thirty years ago! Time Flies or..
"Tempus Fugit" - as my grandfather loved to say
What I have been doing in life is not just one thing
I had the courage to take all of what I was doing
Then forget about it - then do something better
Thank You, Daniel Quinn
For giving me courage
I started over, twice
That wasn't easy
In the worst of times I took my body and my health for granted
In the best of times
I wasn't treating my body
Like it was something other
Than my soul's natural mate
I said the best of times - not all of that time
It took me a while to have that realization
Then it took me a longer while to act on it
It took all of my time to be a pleaser
Being a pleaser doesn't work
Let's refocus the frame
Our bodies
Are the one thing
That stays with us
The whole time, yes?
Treat your body well
Your body is not something
That exists somewhere else
It goes with you everywhere
This concept about feeling as if we are disconnected from our body
This is a sad, confusing, unfortunate, lamentable and uprooting idea
Tell me again how there is something better than caring for your body
Having respect for our bodies comes in many forms
There are many big and small decisions we make
To express that respect or lack of self-respect
In how many ways can I share the problem
Comfort is opposite of our best solutions
The concept is so easy we could miss it
I'll share with you what others shared with me
I tried my best to have a copious set of notes
In the end all I have are these memories
One of my saddest chats
Was with a 30 year old woman
She sat behind me in my office
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She thought I'd get in a lot of trouble for having boundaries - she was the one with trouble
Nika had been working for the same employer
For ten straight years - since she got out of college
She was just 20 years young when the job began for her
It was with a technology staffing company
She was first an executive assistant
Later she was in marketing
Those people really know how to abuse their people
What they like to do is separate the concepts of work and health
It seems much more natural to me that health and work could be integrated
A natural pleaser - she was ever the company person - to a fault
She never stopped drinking the Kool-Aid - and I mean never
You know how you're supposed to spend all day at a job
Then when the end of day comes around
You're supposed to stay at your desk
Because of the peer-pressure?
She was the queen of that
Aimless surfing
At the desk
Go home
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Basically I wish jobs everywhere would authorize mid day exercise for staff members
She took that particularly toxic environmental influence so seriously it was sad
She became a person who would be at her desk for over 12 hours every day
A lot of people do it - a lot of people have normalized doing it everywhere
The extreme cringe of how they conditioned her to do that - should get more press
That process is not worth telling - suffice to say it worked thoroughly & perniciously
She prided herself on being the last person to leave work every day of the week
She was ever the selfless martyr - routinely skipped lunch - preaching to others
This poor work-sot was so hooked on attempting to win affirmation of bosses
She wouldn't notice a healthy boundary if it jumped up and bit her fat rump
By the time I got there, she had been an executive kiss-ass for over a decade
She worked more than anyone - so overweight she barely fit in her lame old car
Imagine the pathetic body made by zero conditioning during your decade of 20s
I am not having fun at this person's expense - I am heart broken by her broken will
You don't have to imagine it
You can find this body all around us every day
It's far too common and it's all from losing time at work
It's a lot easier to get into that body than it is to get out of it
Some people will never escape the escape room - and that should terrify everyone
Without the gruesome detail, let me say - one major way to continue making that body
Is to only look at yourself while staring directly into the mirror with your shoulders square
Shoulders square is the most complimentary way to view ourselves
Looking straight-on, we avoid seeing ourselves in three dimensions
For a larger dose of honesty - take off all your clothes
Look into the mirror and - turn slightly to one side
This is the version of your body
That includes everything you don't see
When you are exclusively viewing yourself from front
Yes I understand we are not all going to live in our cars in San Diego
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Where there's a will there's a way - don't lose your body - it's actually all you have
Even if you are perfectly healthy and have no body pain
Reducing pounds from our bodies during the decades
That come after the 20s & 30s - is a monumental feat
Especially in the day & age of thankless work culture
This is not to say it cannot be done
I am a walking breathing example
That it can be done
Do it in the kitchen
Then in the gym
If you have injuries and medical problems
You won't be able to assist yourself in the gym
Becoming prohibitively overweight is a medical injury
What can I say? I recognized it early on
Those bosses needed all my extra time
Sorry pal - try needing something else
This passive stealing of all workers' time
Is a loathsome and predatorial activity
It becomes a matter of faith
That we can disallow it
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Actual picture of me defending myself from bosses creeping on me with extra unpaid demands
There are many time stealers besides bosses, office nags and time narcs
Relationships take time - so do children, caregiver roles, commuting, churches
Not to mention communication mavens, physical dependencies, other addictions
Also there are hobbies, life lessons, electronic screens, videogames & everything else
Time is the incredible resource that ends up working against people who don't control it
Everything there is - tries to pull you in and keep you there as a worker and a consumer
What it takes - to not buckle to these forces - is no small matter - you need to believe it
I was pretty successful from a social standpoint
Still I became fatigued even of my favorite game
Which was the process of winning approval from others
Most of my friends who wanted to have families - had families - before I did
Most of my other friends were workaholics or heavily romance-riddled
Many were drug, booze, sex, reading & gambling addicts early on
People who go through rehab end up having too much time
None of those addictions and time-sucks appealed much to me
I wanted to learn languages, study martial arts and work as a farmer
Fun to me was being a cat and dog handler and living in Silicon Valley
Two of my favorite phases were karaoke and snowboarding the Rockies
Being a stay-home dad was the best - doing self improvement is worthwhile
What I was, was seen as short sighted - because I wasn't heavily hunting money
The criticism kind of made me laugh, even though in many ways they are correct
In fact - people who were not doing self improvement - were the short-sighted ones
People calling me short sighted
Were somehow not realizing
That their body
Is their soul's
Only mate
How you gonna call me short sighted when my body is healthy at 50?
The good news with me - in my 50s - is just by walking around
Without being in pain or getting winded - it's so simple
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Pictured in my backyard age 25 - Sunnyvale, California - half my present age
I am not your swim instructor and this is just a memoir
I'm a great, fun guy and truly excellent sports-life coach
I'm a better swim coach if you already know how to swim
If you can already swim, my experience can take you further
If you want to retain your health, spirit and longevity
Go for it - what exactly is stopping you from doing that
It is my central message to work within your training zone
So within any particular day, you're just doing what you can
Long term there are times you may have to swim before work
The endurance of making it through a full work day is not easy
Then on top of that I'm telling you to make the day even longer
It took me a long time to be able to feed myself well enough to do that
Looking back I realize I was not giving myself the food fuel I needed
Work, food, exertion, stamina - these things are heavily related
My son's non-athlete buddies don't understand food and water
The discomfort of conditioning gives way to the joy of exertion
Maybe not at first and it depends on your starting point
Workouts don't have to happen every day
You have to feel good when they're done
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Being a person with a healthy body gives you more life options than this OG life hack
From a high level - whether it's just stretching
Or maybe running or lifting - it might be moving boxes
It might be limited to doing lawn work or climbing stairs
Somewhere there is something where we can opt into exertion
Exertion or lifting or running or stretching
These things are not my torture
They are not my punishment
These are things to which I look forward to doing
It's my feeling that having a positive attitude
Is the key to my enjoying activity long term
That includes everything - not just swim
To the woman in the desk behind me
Congratulations - you're in Marketing
I can't believe what it cost you
Hearing a 32 year old say she is too old to get her body back
Might be one of the saddest things I've ever heard in my life